Sunday 5 October 2014

I have become the kind of person who goes to blogger meet-ups

Four bloggers, one photobooth: you'd think we'd manage to get one decent 
picture out of it, but no!

This is notable chiefly because I have such crippling social anxiety that some days it's a wonder I leave the house at all.

People are often surprised when I say that I'm incredibly shy and anxious. I've travelled widely, a lot of it on my own; I work as a teacher, which is pretty much nothing but talking; I do a pretty good job of concealing a lot of my issues and can come across as confident and chatty (an illusion no doubt helped along by the fact that I talk a lot when I'm nervous. I mostly remember my first few dates with The Boy as a long-running monologue by me, while he smiled and nodded).

But the fact is, I struggle to maintain that facade of normality.  If you're an astute observer, your might notice that I talk a bit too much; that I don't have a good grasp of the rules of conversation*. When I'm meeting people for the first time, I'm terrified that they're going to figure me out in some way. What terrible thing I think they'd figure out, I don't know. That I'm a social moron? That I'm really terribly dull and boring? That I secretly love Taylor Swift songs? Of course, the fact is that almost everyone suffers from some degree of social anxiety and, while I'm worrying about being judged and found wanting by others, they - instead of judging me - and probably worrying about their own stuff.

I wrote about this conundrum earlier in the year, when I'd just begun to meet 'internet people'. And yesterday was another meet-up, with Laura, E & B. What surprised me, though, is that yesterday wasn't scary at all. It felt, to my great surprise, just like meeting a bunch of old friends (no doubt helped by the fact that I'd met them all already!). We hunted for vintage goodies, ooh-ed at the treats in Nottingham's new sweet shop, drank tea, talked travel and tattoos and Bake-Off, and took some very bad photobooth pictures. The whole day was comfortable and fun and I'm already looking forward to doing it again. So it seems that, at the grand old age of 36, I have become the kind of person who goes to blogger meet-ups. 

* How I got to my age without understanding the social need for reciprocity in conversation, I'll never know. As a case in point, E asked me a question yesterday about my plans for Christmas, which I answered - at length, no doubt - and then stopped talking. It wasn't until this morning that I realised it's something that required a reciprocal question to her. I do this a lot, because somehow I've never learnt the rules. 

16 comments:

  1. Yay! Blogger meet-ups are nice, and fun. I'm glad you had a good time! I really need to make more of an effort to go to a meet-up, there are loads in Bristol I'm sure. But similar to you, I feel a bit socially awkward (my shyness probably comes off as stuck up) and definitely an outright blogging fraud!

    I've only ever been to one and it was a few years ago now in Manchester. Two of the three ladies in question were lovely. The third not so much. But you know, blogger friends are just like ordinary friends; when they like someone and you just think 'But why?! They're horrible!'. That. She was incredibly up herself and I could tell she was treating me like a teenager because I look young. My blog said my age like but maybe she'd not actually read it. Her blog actually stopped completely not long after that.

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    1. "My shyness probably comes off as stuck up" SO MUCH THIS! I know people often think I'm aloof and unfriendly, I wish I could wear a badge that says, "I'm not a bitch, I'm just shy"!

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  2. I feel exactly the same, and would have a guess that most of the people i know would describe themselves as somewhat shy, even the ones who seem confident and sociable. I guess the best way to combat shyness is to try and forget that you think of yourself as shy.. I was a lot worse when I was at school when i would avoid conversation at all costs, mainly because i was afraid of going bright red!

    Just blogged about our day as well! I think we did well with the photobooth, bit sad that you aren't on my photo-strip though (apart from a bit of your dress)! Looking forward to another meet up soon x

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    1. I'll scan my strip in at work and email it to you.

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    2. Oh can we have a copy too? The black and white ones look best! Although next time we'll be ready for that first flash... and maybe avoid having so much background in shot..

      So glad you feel comfortable with us Janet (and you definitely don't come across as not understanding the rules of conversation... whatever they are!) Meeting new people is always scary, but can be so rewarding. You're right, it did just feel like meeting old friends.

      Can't wait for our next meet up :) xx

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    3. Will do - forgot to bring the strip into work today but will try and remember later this week.

      Yes, we need to set a date soonish for the metre of pizza, otherwise we'll all get booked up!

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  3. Your point about babbling when nervous/ receiprocal talking really rig true for me, it's something I've noticed about my own behaviour and it's something I've had to really actively work on. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my social awkwardness :) thank you for that. X

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    1. It's really good to hear I'm not alone with it - I'm so conscious of it and yet I never seem to get any better!

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  4. Oh, the not asking reciprocal questions thing? I totally do that. I've read all those articles about how to make small talk and they all say "remember to ask questions" and I go, "Well, DUH! Who wouldn't think to ask questions?! So. Obvious." Then go right on out and forget.

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    1. Hooray, I'm not alone! I'm starting to realise that all bloggers are just as socially ill-adept as each other. Who'da thought that people who live a large part of their lives online are a bit shy and socially awkward?!

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  5. I'm exactly the same. I find it so hard to just get my words out sometimes. I've cancelled events in the past because I just couldn't get past my anxiety! Glad you made it! Blogger meet ups can be so fun xx

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    1. I've quite often cancelled plans because I'm so anxious. In fact, I almost cancelled my first date with Thomas for that very reason. I'm so glad now that I didn't! Proves that sometimes it pays to be brave.

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  6. I was so anxious walking to the train station on Saturday, then we had such a relaxed fun afternoon and I'd had no reason to worry at all! We've been on blogging meet ups before that have been awkward so it is a risk, but amazing when you find a brilliant group of likeminded souls!

    Totally did not notice you didn't ask me what I was doing for Christmas!

    Also, Have you seen this? http://youtu.be/KIePsbJSS04

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    1. I never get tired of watching that video! It might actually be the best thing ever.

      I'm glad it turned out to be a fun afternoon for you (and in a selfish way, I'm glad I wasn't the only anxious one!)

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  7. I also struggle with the reciprocity thing. x

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    1. Well everyone who's commented and said that is also awesome, so clearly it's a thing us awesome people do ;) x

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