Friday 20 March 2015

The shitty bits

I sometimes think of blogging as life with the shitty bits removed. Anyone who falls under the banner of 'lifestyle blogger' does it, to some extent or other. Beautiful interiors shots, carefully styled outfit posts, tales of fun events and exciting trips.

So I'll post about our gorgeous new office space, but not photograph the worrying damp patch beneath the window.

I'll mention the delicious food I'm scoffing, but not the crippling IBS attacks that leave me prone on the bathroom floor.

I'll write about exciting travel plans, but omit the fact that I'm currently battling to be allowed into Canada this summer (some youthful indiscretions + insane immigration rules = I might not make it to the first family reunion in 23 years. And when your family all live on other continents, that's a big deal).

I'll describe a lovely weekend away, but leave out the bit about spending most of Sunday in a panic attack about work, with which I'm really struggling at the moment.

Now, there's a lot to be said for keeping a space clear of negative thought and actions, but I also know that what I really love about blogging - reading other people's as well as writing my own - is the recognition that life isn't perfect. I don't want to preside over a sleek, idealised lifestyle blog; I want a blog that represents me entirely, shitty bits and all.


And the problem is, I think that lately I've become less good at remembering that.

As my readership has grown, I've started worrying a bit too much about what everyone else thinks and not enough about what I actually want to get out of this. It's become my habit to spend hours on my days off trying to ape that particular style of blog photography - you know the kind, with the background beautifully white and items artfully strewn around the surface - and to stress when I don't achieve it, rather than to just write what I want and worry about the images later, if at all.

Now, I don't at all mean to imply that there's anything untruthful or inauthentic about a sleek lifestyle blog with lovely photography, far from it. Just that for me to curate something like that would be inauthentic. I'm a messy, clumsy, awkward person and I sort of think my bit of internet space should reflect that.

So here I am, then: at the moment, life is a bit too full of shitty bits and I'm stressed out. I know things will improve because they always do (not least because the Easter holidays are coming up, yay!), but right now... yeah, pretty shitty.

28 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear thing are a bit shitty with work and your IBS. Hope you are OK x

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  2. I was just having this exact conversation yesterday(!). Personally I prefer a blog that feels human sometimes. I think a glossy blog can be like a magazine, fun and informative at their best, but blogs that make me want to return must have a voice that I can relate to on some level. And life isn't always perfect and that's ok! Hope things even out for you soon. :) x

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  3. Ah Janet, sorry to hear things are shitty at the moment. I know exactly what you mean about presenting one thing and hiding the less pretty bits - I've got all my beautiful photos from Iceland to post but the reality is that this unemployment stuff has really been getting me down. I'm messy too, so I'm all for seeing/reading about the exploits of others who are less perfected. Hope the Canadian visa stuff gets sorted soon and please don't stress about your blog. Your writing is ace and I always look forward to your updates so whether it's the pretty, shitty or a combo of both, write what you like :)

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  4. I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I hear you on the positive blogging front - even when I write about the less perfect parts of life I feel the need to be breezy and upbeat about them; it's difficult to drop that guard and just be honest. I hope everything works itself out soon (especially the visa issues).

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  5. It goes against my generally positive nature to not be all upbeat and "everything's fine!" And lots of my life IS fine, great even... just, there's quite a lot that's doing my head in too.

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  6. Ah thank you for those kind words! Yes, I can tell from stuff you've written that the unemployment is being tough on you and I LOVE that you're being honest about that - I wouldn't want to read someone who was relentlessly chirpy and upbeat, so I don't know why I'd started holding myself to that standard.

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  7. Yep, totally agree with this - the only thing that makes me follow and return to a blog is that honesty from a voice I can relate to rather than a perfect image of life.

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  8. Thanks, I think I'm just having a bad couple of weeks at work and because my IBS is triggered by stress it then kicks that off, and then everything else seems worse because I feel like crap... and so on and so forth!

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  9. It's so true - I've stopped reading a lot of blogs, because they make me feel bad, and because I suspect they don't really show the "real" side of life, just the highly edited and often sponsored side.
    The thing is, I've found the last couple of posts I've written which were more "me" were the ones I really enjoyed doing - the ones that felt honest. I'm too much of a scaredy cat to be completely frank but I do find myself debating it.
    I'm sorry things are crap for you at the moment, and that it's all getting stressful. Fingers crossed that things calm down soon x

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  10. Feel free to sound off at me any time!

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  11. I most enjoy writing the more honest posts too, the ones I've done about things like my history of depression and self-harm, or abortion, are the ones I've found most rewarding. But yes, it's a thin line between being honest and putting TOO much out there.

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  12. Oh god, amen to ALL of this. I share your longing for the Easter holidays too; not long now!

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  13. Janet this really resonates with me, mostly because life is FULL of shitty bits! Also because blogging, for me, is often a good way to polish over them or make things seem a little more hopeful. One of the main reasons I admire your blog so is because you are always true to yourself and you are honest, even when the going is tough. xx
    -E

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  14. Thank you :) I agree, one of the things I appreciate blogging for is almost being forced to recognise the good stuff when it happens (and sometimes to make good stuff happen so I can have something to write about!)

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  15. I know - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

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  16. LOVE this! I think it's human nature just to want to present our "best face" to the world, but it can be really empowering to admit that things aren't always 100% "perfect"!

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  17. I have so many shitty things going on just now that I can't even bring myself to pretend to be cheery so that I can blog, so I hear you on all of this. Really hope the Canada thing gets sorted, it sounds like a nightmare.

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  18. Dealing with bureaucracy is always stressful because it's so freaking inflexible and nonsensical. But my worries pale in comparison to the shitty stuff you've had to deal with lately.

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  19. I'm walking a line between not wanting to share some stuff online but also not wanting to be fake. I often don't write about tough stuff until it's in the past as I really prefer to have some perspective, but there is an honesty in writing raw. For you, I've always found your blog refreshing and real. I'm so sorry to hear things are being shitty, particularly the visa issues. I hope things get resolved x

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  20. I have to admit to being pretty honest in writing about the expat life, that it's not always this incredible thing, that there's down sides, that life isn't always greener over the fence, or in this instance the ocean. I struggle a lot with reading the highly curated blogs, or even following highly curated IG because I find it hard to relate to them, whether they share the good or the bad. I've wanted to do a house tour for a while but never felt that mine is good enough. Everyone seems to blog about buying their first house and having all the money in the world to paint and fix it all up and we sunk everything we had into getting it so the idea of getting around to taking off the horrid wallpaper yet along repaint is still far off. Sigh.

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  21. Regardless of the glossy photos and idealised content a blog has to offer, I am ALWAYS looking for authenticity from the writer. That's basically all I want. And no spelling mistakes, but you're a fellow grammar guru so it's fine. You're great at being authentic and being yourself so just continue focusing on that. Getting involved in readership and stats and all that can take you away from who you are and what you want this space to be for (as I found out recently). Not that I'm saying that's happened to you, I just know it's something I'm wary of personally. I'm really sorry to hear there are shit bits in your life right now, you know I'm always an email away if you ever need <3

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  22. Bravo for your honesty; the internet is definitely better for it (generally, and specifically). I hope the shitty bits get better soon! xxx

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  23. duck in a dress22 March 2015 at 12:46

    Really sorry to hear things are shitty right now, I have my fingers crossed that things start getting a bit better soon xxx You're right, we all edit (to a certain extent) but life isn't and never will be perfect and I think the best blogs out there (yours included) are the ones that reflect this xxx

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  24. Thank you. Yes, I try and tread the fine line between not over-sharing and boring people with my moans, recognising that whatever's going on in my life is nothing compared to some, and wanting to be honest on here.

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  25. I'm always so tempted, when I do house posts, to include a photograph of all the crap that I've shoved out of sight for the pictures!

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  26. Sorry you are having a rubbish time of it!!! Yes, we really do try to show a happy show of our lives but it is not always like that xx

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