Wednesday 5 November 2014

How bad outfit photos taught me to stop fearing the camera

Two years ago, I'd never shared a photograph of myself online (no, not even on Facebook. They existed on there, but only because other people had tagged me). Today I'm going to share the very worst pictures of me that exist. That's what I call progress.

1. I have no idea. And no words
2. Demonstrating the section of my midriff that I want photographed
3. It cracks me up how much like a stroppy toddler I look here

One of the main reasons I started doing outfit posts was to force myself to become more comfortable both in front of the camera and with looking at photographs of myself. I know there aren't many people who actively like being photographed but for years I had something akin to a phobia. At the mere sight of a camera, I'd tense up. Often I'd try to leave the room or move out of range, occasionally I'd end up in tears. I have so few photographs of myself between the ages of 14 and 34, because I either avoided having them taken or destroyed them afterwards.

It's a weird fact of life that we can never know what we truly look like. We become used to the mirror-us and seeing the 'real' us in a photograph can come as a shock. In our minds, we don't really look like that at all. And of course, because I was so terrified of the camera, what I saw in photos probably wasn't how I actually looked: it was the most tense and freaked out version of myself. I talk when I'm nervous, so in a lot of those pictures I also had my mouth hanging open like a simpleton. I never really hated myself, I just hated how I looked in photos.

I'd read lots of fatshion bloggers talking about how taking photos of themselves had been a huge contributing factor in their journey to self-love and body acceptance, and it was something I wanted to try. And when a handy volunteer came along - in the shape of my partner - to take photographs, it seemed as good a time as any to begin.

And you know what? It's been a success so far. I even volunteered to be in some photobooth shots at a wedding recently, which is massive progress for me. However, that doesn't mean the process of actually taking the photographs always goes smoothly.

1. The 'Single Ladies' dance? An attempt at flamenco? 
2. The ever-popular 'going paddling' fashion model pose
3. Really not convinced by the 'bend one knee and tilt head' fashion blogger pose

For every outfit The Boy generally snaps off 20-30 pictures of which, if we're very lucky, I'll deem two or three usable (usually, you may have already noticed, ones in which I'm covering my face or at least my mouth and chin, which are my most hated body parts). I'm terrible at posing, so generally The Boy and I chat while I move around a bit, and he snaps away hoping that he'll capture something vaguely decent. Luckily he always does, but there are usually also some stunningly bad outtakes, which I'm (against my better judgement) sharing with you today.

It turns out that what people had said was true: appear in enough photographs, take enough versions of each one, and eventually you'll learn to cope. Even to like it. I can look at these terrible photographs and just laugh; two years ago I would have cried and felt like crawling into a hole to die.

Even better, becoming more comfortable in front of the camera means that The Boy and I now have a record of our time together and the trips we take. I used to refuse to appear in photos, now I'm the one encouraging him to snap a selfie of us when we're out and about. And that is what I call a very happy outcome.

1. A very Italian pose 
2. & 3. I love that pretty much every outfit has a version of this pose, best described as, 'I don't know what the hell else to do so I'll stare at the sky as if it's done me wrong'

17 comments:

  1. I love this. There are loads of terrible photos of me out there but I don't care - as you say, they're a record of where I was and what I was doing at that point in my life. It doesn't really matter if my hair was in a state or my eyes were half-closed - the bad photos are better than nothing.

    Also, the more I learn about photography, the fewer bad photos there are. I'm much better about remembering the posing basics: shoulders back; relax all limbs; eye contact looks better than pulling a ridiculous face.

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    1. I'm slowly getting better at realising that the world won't end if there's a bad photograph of me. At one point, there were ONLY bad photos of me, which destroyed my self-esteem. Now that there are quite a few rather lovely photographs (because I'm not screwing my face up in horror when a camera hoves into view), I'm more able to accept the existence of the bad ones. And, apparently, post them on my blog for all the internet to see!

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  2. Brilliant! I've always hated getting my photo taken aswell - inevitably my eyes are always half-shut! What changed me was at the end of 2012 when I realised that only one single photo of me had been taken that year, It made me feel quite sad to think that an entire year of my life had gone by and there was no photographic record of me. I've made (a bit) more of an effort since then.

    Love those outtakes, my favourite is the stroppy toddler :) Like so many other things in life, they're never as bad as you think - putting them together like this has made for a really fun post :)

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    1. The stroppy toddler is my favourite too! I look so much like my little niece in it.

      Yeah, that's pretty much my angle on it too -- except in my case I have literally 10 years without photographs (or with perhaps one a year). It especially makes me sad as I went through so many different changes in that time - hair colours, piercings - and I'd love to have a record of them.

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  3. Love this post and I love seeing blogger outtakes, whether they're outfit pics or a failed cake or a pan-out of a cosy corner to show the rest of the room is a bombsite. Reminds us that blogs are really the bits we want others to see, and that actually everyone else is human too :)

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    1. Yes, me too! It's so easy to get caught up by the idealised versions of life we bloggers like to present to the world, it's always refreshing to realise that behind all that there is a real and messy life going on.

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  4. You started taking blog shots for similar reasons to me. There are so few photos of me from teen years to about 28 and few that I was happy with, that I was DETERMINED that there should be some nice ones! PLus, I liked putting together outfits! I don't mind them so much now! I love your photos and you do look beautiful in photos- way to go!x

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  5. Great post Janet! Love seeing the outtakes, my favourite is the Italian pose (Oh and you have an amazing skirt collection!)

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    1. It's funny, I never thought of myself as a skirt person but I got really into wearing them this summer. Already can't wait to dig them out again next year!

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  6. Haha this is brilliant! I'm totally loving this move towards body confidence and positivity that you've been writing about on your blog recently :) You're an inspiration. PS: I LOVE the going paddling photo haha.

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    1. Like most of these weird poses, the paddling thing happened because I was explaining something to Thomas (I think in this case, the ideal length for the too-long dress!)

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  7. This is so true! I hated having my photo taken for such a long time, but I've felt more confident about it since my boyfriend (who is rather talented with a camera) started taking photos of me. Partly because photoshop can do wonderful things, but also because I've realised how overly critical I am of photos of me which others think I look nice in!
    xxx
    P.S. I found this post via the lovely Louisa at Duck in a Dress, and I will definitely be reading more of your lovely blog.

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    1. Thank you :) My least favourite thing ever is when people tell me I look nice in a photo I think I look hideous in - it's like, "Is this what you think I look like at my best, and what does that say about me?!" type thing.

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  8. I love this post. I am quite nervous about full body photos of myself - I don't mind my face (from the right angle) but hate most of my body. Am slowly coming round to it though and think maybe I should take a leaf out of your book. I also love the "very Italian" photo of you!

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    1. That's funny, I'm completely the opposite: fine with my body but hate my face (especially in photos). I'm trying to get more used to it, but I still much prefer the photographs where I'm covering my face!

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  9. I'm pretty much going to repeat what everyone else has said but yep, I do absolutely love this post. I'm the same when the other half's taking pictures of me - he gets about 50 or so and there's only ever one or two that look half decent. Getting an okay picture of me is so rare that when it does happen it's quite a shock!
    Perhaps I should make 2015 the year of the outfit post on my blog, taking inspiration from yourself to just get out there and do it. The more I practice, the more pictures Andrew takes and the more bad ones there are, the more I might finally like some of the 'not-so-bad' ones. Maybe, just maybe. xx

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