Why talking about our abortions is important

"I have yet to meet a woman who was 'pro-abortion,' the same is true for 'pro-mastectomy' or 'pro-hysterectomy.' Unfortunately, these procedures are sometimes what a woman needs."
                                From Every Third Woman In America by Dr. David Grimes

When Nicki Minaj shared the story of her abortion in a Rolling Stone interview recently, I wanted to cheer. Why? It's not like an abortion is a happy time in a woman's life, so why would I be so glad Minaj was discussing hers?

Here's why: it's estimated that in the US and UK, one woman in three will have an abortion at some point in her life. And yet it's a topic almost totally shrouded in secrecy, our personal decisions made shameful by silence.

Abortion happens for all sorts of reasons: the stereotype of the feckless teenager who didn't use contraception is far from the truth. In fact, the 'typical' abortion patient is a woman in her mid-twenties who has experienced contraception failure*. There is also a significant number of women in their 30s and 40s who seek abortions, and in 2013 in England & Wales, 1% of abortions were carried out due to fetal abnormalities**. Although abortion rates are falling in both the US and UK - due largely to improved access to free contraception - that statistic of one in three women has held true for the last twenty years. It is therefore extremely likely that a woman close to you either has already had, or will have, an abortion.

When I was 21 I had two abortions, very close together. The first because we'd been careless with contraception (yep, I was that feckless stereotype I'm afraid, albeit not quite a teenager); the second because the contraceptive pill - taken religiously since the first abortion - failed. For very many reasons I was not capable of becoming a parent at that point in my life. Safe, legal, free abortion provision meant that I was able to move on from a bad relationship, get help with my mental health problems, graduate university and become a happy, fully functioning member of society.

There is currently a cultural dialogue - especially prevalant on 'mommy blogs' - around miscarriage that suggests it's important to talk about it when you experience it, so people can understand how widespread pregnancy loss is. Sarah wrote a brilliant post in which she interrogates that idea and persuasively argues that it's all down to personal choice: you get to decide who you tell and when you tell them, not some internet strangers insisting it's important. And I wholeheartedly agree with this in relation to abortion too. Some women will never feel comfortable discussing their abortions, and that's fine. When we talk about being pro-choice, that must include women having the choice of what they divulge. However, for those of us with big mouths (like me), or who don't mind talking about their abortions (like Minaj), it's important to recognise that by doing so we can help further the pro-choice movement while perhaps making things easier for other women to talk about their own experiences.

I've always talked about my experience with abortion. At first, when they were a recent memory, I worked through my feelings by talking - often relentlessly - about what had happened. Now I try and be more circumspect, mostly because so many women I know are facing fertility problems and/or pregnancy loss. Even so, I will happily refer to my abortions in general conversation: on a recent blogger meet-up, for example, we were chatting about tattoos and I casually referred to the ones I'd had done as a sort of memorial, post-abortion. Only once the words were out did I stop to consider whether it was appropriate (at which I mentally shrugged my shoulders and decided I didn't care).

As anti-choice*** legislation (almost overwhelmingly put forward by male legislators) becomes an ever-more pressing a problem in the USA, Europe and even the UK, it's important that women start to talk about their experience of abortion. Studies have shown that one of the single biggest factors in making a man pro-choice is when they learn that women close to them have in the past accessed abortion services. By silencing ourselves we reinforce the idea that abortion is something shameful and secret, and we lose the chance to demonstrate just how essential having agency over our own bodies is.

* Source: Every Third Woman In America by Dr. David Grimes
** Source: Department of Health Abortion Statistics, England & Wales 2013
*** I use 'anti-choice' because I believe the term 'pro-life' to be a misnomer for a movement that prioritises the survival of a cluster of cells over a grown woman's life (see, for example, the tragic case in Ireland of Savita Halappanava, who died in hospital after doctors - fearful of the country's stringent laws that ban abortion - denied her request for a life-saving termination)