Day 26: Holiday fun

Last Bank Holiday weekend, I was in Nijmegen in The Netherlands, visiting The Boy.  This Bank Holiday weekend, I am in Nijmegen again.  We'll spend the weekend there before catching the train to Berlin on Monday morning.  I can't wait to spend almost a week with him exploring Berlin, finding fun bars, eating yummy vegan food... all in all, having a lovely holiday together. 

In the meantime here are a few photographs from my visit earlier this month, during which we walked in the spring sunshine, drank Dutch cider, admired graffitti, ate falafel, watched films, and stared into each other's eyes and all that other cheesy crap that couples do.

Day 25: Music love

Books may have been my first love but music was (and is) a close second.  Whereas books are my comfort and my familiar home, music is what excites and challenges me.

 

Some of my most transcendental moments have been at gigs or festivals.  The first 'proper' writng I ever did was a self-produced Britpop fanzine between 1996 and 1998.  Music has soundtracked my memories, both good and bad.  How, then, can I possible narrow my 'music love' down to a mere five albums?!

 

I wrote a music Q&A recently which talked about some firsts and some favourites (and if anyone would like to volunteer to write their own Q&A guest post, then drop me a line at jbistheinitial@gmail.com).  Here are just a few of the albums that have been important to me over the years.

 

Then...

 

 

The albums I loved passionately and that defined my life at the age of sixteen were probably The Bends, The Holy Bible and Trailer.  But in the intervening years, the albums from that era that I listen to most are Siamese Dream (my all-time number one album), Live Through This, and Come On Feel The Lemonheads.

In the early twenties I went through a phase when I listened to a lot of hip hop, UK garage (don't ask!), Motown and dance music.  I loved Zero 7, Groove Armada, Daft Punk, De La Soul.  I listened to a lot of Tim Westwood.  It was a weird time.  The records which dragged me back to guitar music were Is This It by The Strokes and The Libertines debut album (and a rediscovered obsession with Ben Folds Five).

Now...

In recent years I have listened almost exclusively to American music.  My brother* is my main musical influence now (it's so irritating: I used to tell him what to listen to!) and over the years he has introduced me to the artists that I listen to most often.  Joanna Newsom, Grizzly Bear, The Shins... they were all largely thanks to Richard's recommendations.  Others, like Beach House, Fleet Foxes or Sufjan Stevens, I've come across through my own musical investigations but they're still artists he loves.

* You can read the Music Q&A he wrote for me here. 

Day 24: A nosy inside my fridge

1. Gratuitous shot of my beloved Smeg fridge.

2. Top shelf, dairy and fake dairy.  From L-R: baking margarine, soya spread, butter, soya cream, milk, goats cheese, eggs (and a lurking imposter in the shape of raspberry jam).

3. Middle shelf, where leftovers go to die.  From L-R: tuna pasta bake, half a yellow pepper, hummus, half a lime, fajita chicken & veggies from last night, kidney beans, chorizo ring, cheddar cheese.  Lurking at the back: half a sweet potato, mango chutney and soya yoghurt.

4. Bottom shelf, any random thing I can't fit elsewhere.  From L-R: red grapes, tortilla wraps, homemade guacamole in foil-covered bowl, soya milk, melon cut into chunks, all the better to dispense into smaller pots for packed lunches.

5. Off-camera: bottom drawer filled with onions, peppers, courgettes and scallions.  Fridge door shelves filled with wine and fruit juice.

So, what does my fridge say about me? 

First, that this is the confused fridge of a meat- and dairy-eater with a vegan boyfriend. 

Secondly, that I really love Mexican food. 

Finally, that I make most of my meals from scratch - no ready meals here - and enjoy baking, although apart from that I eat pretty healthily (plenty of veggies in this fridge).

I can't wait to have a peek in everyone's fridge today - I'm such a nosy parker!

Day 23: Compliments

I don't take compliments very well.  A combination of being a woman (socialised into self-hatred from a young age), being English (compliments are not self-deprecating enough), and being shy (don't notice me, don't notice me!).  I tend to do the classic thing of either denying a compliment ("Your hair looks nice." "Oh, it's doing my head in at the moment, I hate the colour.") or ignoring and deflecting it ("I love your dress!" "Yours is amazing, where's it from?").

But recently, the loveliest compliments - ones I couldn't ignore - have come from two sources: The Boy, and my wonderful pupils. 

Me, as I simultaneously blow my nose and try to calm my bed hair: "Why are you looking at me like that?"  The Boy: "I was just thinking how pretty you look".

Year 9 pupil: "Your laugh is brilliant, it makes me laugh."

Year 9 pupil, on being told I turn 35 at my next birthday: "WHAT?!!!  I thought you were about 26!" (They decided I must look young because I don't have any children.  Fair point.)

Year 8 tutor group, after I hadn't seen them for almost a week due to SATs exams and meetings: "Where have you been?!  We missed you!"

Day 22: Dear Janet...

Hints and tips for my thirteen-year-old self:

Mum is going to come out to you soon.  You'll cope with it reasonably well, but you could do with being less of a bitch to her girlfriend.  She's really quite nice, and it just makes you look like a brat.

You're never going to get over being the weird kid and will carry the notion that no-one likes you right into your thirties.  This is actively damaging to your friendships.  Try and be a bit more confident in their ability to make an informed choice to be friends with you.

If you think wearing a C cup bra is bad, just you wait: one day you'll be in a HH (but you really won't mind).

And on that note, being called "melons" by the boys is not something you have to grin and bear.  Not all attention is good attention.

If you choose not to do any work during your A-Levels, fair enough, but don't then feel all shocked and upset when you do really badly.

You will meet rock stars. You will stay up all night.  You will live a life that you - the geeky, studious, swotty bookworm - can't even conceive of for yourself at the moment.  And you will have a blast...

... But you'll eventually realise that that life doesn't make you happy in the long term.  Enjoy it while it lasts, and embrace the change that comes afterwards.

Don't pick up that blade.  Just don't.  It will condemn you to long sleeves in summer for the rest of your working life.

Try not to harp on to your parents about how you'll never drink, or smoke, or do drugs.  They will revel in reminding you of this in seven years time.

That tattoo you want when you're nineteen?  Your parents are right; it's a terrible idea.

One day you will belong, but first you need to realise that there's a value in not belonging, too.

When you tell people that, "mobile phones will never catch on," you'll be wrong.  Likewise iPods, iPhones... basically, when it comes to technology just assume that you're always wrong.  Apart from Minidisc players.  They really won't catch on.

At the moment, you think that the love you read of in books will never happen to you.  But in a couple of years, you will find a girl who you adore.  In your twenties, you will fall in love with a boy who treats you badly.  Finally, once you know you really deserve it, you will meet someone who looks at you with love in his eyes.  Someone who can debate the finer points of feminist theory.  Someone who gives the best cuddles.  Someone who makes you happier than you ever thought you could be. 

Day 21: Dream job

My dream job?  Easy question... it would be one that involved books.  Lots of books.

I have two dreams, in fact.  One is of finding myself financially able to become a student again.  I would love to spend the rest of my life studying; ensconsing myself in libraries and university departments until I retire.

Secondly, of winning the lottery and being able to open my ideal bookshop (the lottery win is an important part of this dream, because living in penury trying to make money from a sadly dying trade does not appeal). 

Like Powell's in Portland, Oregon, my bookshop would shelve new and used copies together.  It would have a colourful kids area with rugs on the floor, all the better to settle down and leaf through the books; a large and well-stocked YA section; a really great music section, with CDs and records for sale too.  There would be squishy leather Chesterfields, and lovely upholstered reading chairs.  There would be huge vases of lillies (a la the bookshop at Salt's Mill in Saltaire), and music playing quietly in the background.  There would be homemade cakes and good tea and coffee on sale.  And there would be me, sitting behind the counter, book always in hand, happy to chat and recommend good reads.

Now, I have worked in a bookshop (Waterstones, 1999-2001) and I know that the reality is a far cry from my idealised verion.  But hell, it's my dream so it can be the way I want it to be.

And, of course, for now I am lucky enough to do a job that enables me to rant on about books as much as I like.  In fact, it is pretty much my job to do just that.  My favourite thing about teaching English is sharing book recommendations with the teenagers that I work with; hearing their opinions; seeing them fall in love with literature.  If my pupils ever think about me once they have left, I hope it is to remember the book-mad teacher with the overly loud laugh, who briefly convinced them that in  Shakespeare, or Louis Sachar, or Bali Rai, or Wilfred Owen, they can find the answer to everything.

Day 20: What makes me angry

The prompt today was 'Talk about something that's in the news today', which was a bit of a red rag to a bull.  At the moment, I am struggling to keep up with the news because it is so relentlessly, soul-destroyingly terrible that it makes me so furious and sad, and I can't bring myself to spend my time feeling that way.

It's so easy, isn't it - in this lifestyle blogger-land - to pretend that everything is cakes and flowers and pretty shoes and happy times.  I like to keep my blog as a (mostly) positive space.  Although I will ocassionally admit to less-than-cheery feelings, I prefer to focus on the nice things I see, do and experience.  But there are times when it becomes hard to continue the pretence that everything is peachy.  When, instead of making my usual 'ooh, look at these lovely things that make me happy' lists, I want to rage because I am so fucking angry.

I am angry because recent figures show that, by the end of the Coalition's term of governemt, 1 in 3 children in the UK will be living in poverty.

I am angry that despite austerity measures having been proven to not be effective in easing recession, the Conservatives are using it as an excuse to pursue ideological policies which do real damage to people's lives.

I am angry because we live in a world where teenage rape victims, instead of being counselled and cared for, are bullied until they commit suicide.

I am angry that our government is determined to make benefits impossible to live on, while doing nothing to improve wages or job security.  Hey politicians!  It doesn't take a genius to work out that - while zero hours contracts proliferate and wages stagnate - people will continue to choose a life on benefits.  It also doesn't take a genius to work out that maybe the solution isn't to slash benefits, but to improve working conditions.

I am angry that my fellow teachers and I are continually attacked and belittled by Gove, Wilshaw and their ilk (people who have never spent a day in a classroom and, by the sound of some of their ideas, can't accept that they are in the 21st century rather than 1950).

I am angry that rape continues to be used as a weapon in conflict zones; that seemingly every other report from Egypt or Syria mentions violence against women.

I am angry that our children and teenagers are amongst the most-tested in the world.  That they are maligned by the government and the media while their lives are made ever-more difficult by the stress of an  education system which does not best serve their interests, but the interests of big businesses.

I am angry every time I open up a newspaper and read about yet another homophobic attack, and then turn on my television to see the same homophobia being espoused by MPs in Parliament in the name of 'family values'.

I am angry that there has been an increase in the picketing of abortion clinics in the UK by 'pro-lifers'... and that in countries close by, women are dying for want of legal abortion.

I am angry because there are still so many things I could add to this list.  I am angry that my anger is driving me into inarticularcy.  I am angry.

Day 19: Traditions

I have an almost-Asperger's-like level of obsession with order and tradition, and drive my family mad with my insistence that things must always be done "just so".  This comes to a fore in the run-up to Christmas.  I wrote in detail about my festive preparations back in November, but that post barely touched upon the iron-like grip I maintain on the family traditions at Christmas.  Some of those traditions date back to my childhood - the Christmas Eve meal of lentil & carrot soup, for example - while others are more recent additions, such as watching Carols From Kings.  I'm ashamed to say that I can become a bit of a brat whenever anyone suggests making a change to our routines.  What can I say?  I don't cope well with change!

Day 18: My friends

Last summer I wrote about four of my close friends and, well, I don't have a great deal to add to that post, except that isn't it funny how much changes in the space of seven months?  Life has come so far for all five of us... engagements, falling in love, moving house, new jobs... between us we have experienced pretty much all of life's major events in a short space of time.  Things have not always been easy and difficult decisions have been made, but the words of Anthony Kiedis still apply:

"'Cause I'll be on your side / You know I will"

Day 17: Taking a diversion

I was singularly uninspired by today's Blog Every Day in May topic - Journey To Work - as I drive to school, so it's therefore difficult to take photographs or notice anything much beside the road, and my route takes me through two council estates and an industrial estate, so it's not exactly inspiring or picturesque.

However, I didn't want to take a day off (well, I kind of did, but Mrs Tibbs Teacups would not let me) so I decided instead to take a diversion to highlight just a few of the great posts that I have stumbled upon because of #BEDM. 

One of my favourite things about this challenge has been the many, many amazing blogs I have found and the fab people I have 'met'.  More than ever, I am feeling part of a blogging community... and shock horror (as I am by nature rather misanthropic and loner-ish) I am liking it!

Oh Gosh Em's amazing bunting quilt (image from her blog) has gone straight to the top of my 'To Make' list. I know a small person with a birthday coming up, and I'd love to make this for her.

I have fallen head-over-heels in love with Just Me, written by the mysteriously named The Girl.  Her prose style is brilliantly funny and honest, and her posts are always incredibly well written.  I would love to be able to write as beautifully as she does.  When Baking Goes Wrong made me laugh out loud, and her post on being in a long distance relationship made me punch the air with recognition ("Does having The Person in my life make my life better? Absolutely, 100% no doubt about it.  But do I need The Person in order to lead a fulfilled and happy life? No, I do not. I have friends... I have family, I am capable of keeping myself amused.  And this is how I cope with being apart from him. By knowing that when we are together things are super mega awesome, but also knowing that things can still be awesome without him there."  I basically could have written exactly that about me and The Boy).

Ashleigh's post for Day 8: My First Job was incredibly funny and jaw-droppingly horrifying in equal measure.  Do take a read.

Finally, The Nearsighted Owl is not Blogging Every Day In May but I came across the blog by following a link from another #BEDM-er (can't remember who though!).  It's definitely gone straight to the top of my list of favourite fat acceptance blogs, and once I finish this challenge I am going to take a look at her How To Be A Fat Bitch eCourse.