tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post4043579553193523459..comments2024-01-07T01:43:55.486+00:00Comments on Words That Can Only Be Your Own: Why we're getting fake-married: On planning a feminist weddingjbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-41879104624865944032015-01-31T12:04:16.893+00:002015-01-31T12:04:16.893+00:00Your fake wedding sounds great! And I totally get ...Your fake wedding sounds great! And I totally get why you would leave out some of the elements of a traditional wedding (I echo others' thoughts about the necessity of a dress and cake!). I suppose I'd never really thought so much about just how sexist they are! Maybe that's because I'd not got to the planning stages. At my sister's wedding, all three speeches were given by women, two related to the grown, and me. If I get married, I think I would like to speak ('he' can too if he wants) and have speeches from either side, men or women (I have a few close friends-who-are-boys). The choice about whether to change my name has not been made yet and would be something agreed together I think. Depends on the surname itself too!<br /><br />Anyway, 'nough about me! Really happy for you guys! And I'm really looking forward to hearing more about whatever you choose to share! :D<br /><br />p.s. Possibly some typos/ poor grammar in here but my phone is being really crappy and letting me go back and edit!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01363295171683526903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-24863247671211532092015-01-29T17:19:38.678+00:002015-01-29T17:19:38.678+00:00I really count my blessings in the fact that both ...I really count my blessings in the fact that both of our families could not be more supportive of the fact we want to do things our way. I actually think they'd be pretty disappointed in us if we went the traditional route! Certainly my uber-feminist mum would never talk to me again if I took my husband's name.jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-26671301765837451532015-01-29T17:18:11.700+00:002015-01-29T17:18:11.700+00:00Hehe, yep I'm totally obsessed with it at the ...Hehe, yep I'm totally obsessed with it at the moment and pinning like mad!jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-37234572294240501592015-01-29T15:24:05.527+00:002015-01-29T15:24:05.527+00:00I love this idea. I did not have any desire for th...I love this idea. I did not have any desire for the traditions but my family did. It was weird. But it is all good now and having a committed relationship which I celebrated with all my friends and family was great. xAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00414010663277948166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-6624581434183862512015-01-27T09:06:33.206+00:002015-01-27T09:06:33.206+00:00How the hell did I miss this?! Congrats :D sounds ...How the hell did I miss this?! Congrats :D sounds like it's going to be a really fun party (which is basically what all weddings should be!). I know what you mean about all the traditional stuff, a lot of it is kinda fussy and out of date (don't get me started on the whole "you're not taking your husband's name???!!!" thing). I'm just grateful that people are questioning it (even if it's only some people) and that we have the choice to have the day however we wish. As you say, the important thing really is the commitment you're making. I'm guessing the rock'n'roll bride post reading has hit fever pitch ;)Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06673345819018458143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-69670422734411153032015-01-26T16:57:25.452+00:002015-01-26T16:57:25.452+00:00No seating plan is a big one for us - I don't ...No seating plan is a big one for us - I don't want any of the formalities people tend to associate with wedding receptions. And I love your name - taking his surname made it so pleasingly alliterative!jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-43053950177094417592015-01-26T16:56:39.366+00:002015-01-26T16:56:39.366+00:00Haha, yep that's about the size of it: "R...Haha, yep that's about the size of it: "Really?! You expect me to sit there and say nothing?!" It is far more likely that I would make a speech and Thomas would sit there saying nothing!jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-44470072453577712372015-01-26T16:55:48.421+00:002015-01-26T16:55:48.421+00:00Thank you! It's not going to happen for ages a...Thank you! It's not going to happen for ages and ages, but it's nice to be starting to talk about it and plan what we want to do.jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-27808193746066883672015-01-26T16:55:03.287+00:002015-01-26T16:55:03.287+00:00That's another reason we don't want to do ...That's another reason we don't want to do the legal route, the paperwork and everything is still so outdated and sexist. There were murmurings about some MPs wanting to change it recently but don't think it went anywhere.jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-13809493206099183442015-01-25T22:25:06.260+00:002015-01-25T22:25:06.260+00:00Your wedding sounds just perfect! That's what ...Your wedding sounds just perfect! That's what it should be all about, finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and then just doing whatever you both choose to celebrate that fact. We did our day picking and choosing what we wanted to suit ourselves - things like no first dance, no seating plan and although I did take the other half's surname, that was because I made that choice myself as I really didn't like my maiden name and thought the other one sounded much better! :-) xx<br />duck in a dresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471749818455756871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-91083469197120110002015-01-25T19:55:20.550+00:002015-01-25T19:55:20.550+00:00This sounds like the BEST WEDDING EVER! I can'...This sounds like the BEST WEDDING EVER! I can't tell you the amount of years I've been saying "if you think I'm not making a speech at my own damn wedding, you can get lost" haha. This is the perfect answer to all of the things that concern me about marriage and I'm so glad you brought this to my attention. I look forward to hearing all about it :) congratulations, you're clearly an awesome couple! xxSuzy Mariehttp://www.eeepimablogger.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-19471080078522060642015-01-25T18:58:12.392+00:002015-01-25T18:58:12.392+00:00Wonderful news! Finding the one other human you wa...Wonderful news! Finding the one other human you want to spend all of your days with is just perfect. I never asked Anna's father for permission before I proposed in light of the fact she is not property, and we went ring shopping together because we are peers, and her father did not give her away because again the property thing.<br />Taking joint possession of the ceremony and driving it howsoever you see fit is a brave undertaking that perhaps many of us lack the confidence to do, or maybe it's that we're all too lazy and prefer the 'just add water' element of Standard Wedding #1.<br />From what I can tell, you've got your ducks in a row already. I hope you have a really great day however you execute that when it comes. Enjoy and cherish every single day you have together.Alex Heightonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16695617486287796280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-62800945280191738512015-01-25T18:36:55.134+00:002015-01-25T18:36:55.134+00:00This is a lovely thing to do, and I look forward r...This is a lovely thing to do, and I look forward reading more posts about you and the boy's day. Yay for lots of cake!<br /><br />I could go on (rant) for hours about all the outdated stuff that I dislike about weddings. However, its a bit off a touchy subject in our household (long story) and if it makes people happy doing all the traditional expected stuff then whats the harm in it. Although I hate it when people spend 20+K on a wedding and then complain about how they cannot get on the property ladder. Thats a deposit people!!<br /><br />Long story short, we snuck off and eloped. But it still involved a bit of planning in advance. We had to register our intention to marry at the local office and then they displayed it on their notice board. When we were filling in the paperwork the question of our fathers occupation was asked. But not our mothers. Was fuming! My mother works as well. Does that not count? What about the people who do not have a father? Etc, etc. Grrr, my blood is boiling just thinking about it again!<br /><br />Oops, I have started ranting!Helenhttp://www.usingmyloaf.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-5915644698461873292015-01-25T18:36:10.629+00:002015-01-25T18:36:10.629+00:00Haha, nope you hadn't been a crap person, we w...Haha, nope you hadn't been a crap person, we were just keeping it fairly low key until I ruined it all!<br /><br />Yep, it should save us a ton of money - don't need a licensed venue, don't need to say it's a wedding. A lot of places I've looked up will have one price list for private parties and one list for weddings, and the cost somehow triples, at the very least. Crazy stuff.jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-77663483664845167512015-01-25T18:34:36.160+00:002015-01-25T18:34:36.160+00:00Yes, so much this! When I was bridesmaid for my be...Yes, so much this! When I was bridesmaid for my best mate I sort of insisted on giving a speech, even though I detest public speaking, because I felt so strongly it shouldn't just be the blokes getting up there and having their say. And the 'thank you' cards thing drives me crazy!jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-60761589747878204112015-01-25T18:33:22.179+00:002015-01-25T18:33:22.179+00:00Yeah, it has been ages. I found it really hard to ...Yeah, it has been ages. I found it really hard to write, for some reason, and also had to wait until all our families knew before I could post it.<br /><br />That's an excellent point - it's like, women don't get to decide when they get engaged but once they are, they're expected to do ALL the planning. Of all my friends who've got married, it's always been assumed by others that the bride has done the planning and the groom has got his suit... the end. I mean, to be fair, I love planning SO much that I probably will do a lot of it, but that's because I'm a bossy so-and-so who likes to be in control, not because it's 'my day'.jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-17548995169165317652015-01-25T18:30:17.489+00:002015-01-25T18:30:17.489+00:00The plan for your day sounds lovely, very low-key ...The plan for your day sounds lovely, very low-key and special. And yep, the two things I was NEVER going to leave out are a fabulous dress and a tasty cake!jbistheinitialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17868282285690501258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-11905612106156983772015-01-25T17:49:01.505+00:002015-01-25T17:49:01.505+00:00I read this in the other post and went "Did I...I read this in the other post and went "Did I know this was happening? Have I not been listening somewhere along the line?" I'm secretly pleased it was an accident, I was thinking I was a pretty crap person.<br /><br />I love this for a lot of reasons. I've felt kind of similar, I've always been struggling to square the circle when it comes to weddings because there's a lot that I don't feel comfortable with.<br /><br />Also. If you're having a non-wedding that means that venues etc won't be able to charge you wedding prices which is my biggest annoyance about the whole thing. I always swore that if I did get married I'd never refer to it as that so I didn't get caught out in the price gouging! The Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04550480429586819194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-67275644737237691322015-01-25T15:27:40.137+00:002015-01-25T15:27:40.137+00:00I love this! Love it love it! I completely underst...I love this! Love it love it! I completely understand, like you, why people want to do the whole traditional thing, but it still annoys me when my confident, outspoken beautiful friend the bride doesn't say a single word during the speeches, or when cards start arriving signed from '[groom] and [bride]' in the bride's handwriting, already with his name first (why couldn't he write his own name on the thank you card?). I've been to some traditional weddings, and some less traditional, more relaxed weddings, and without doubt my favourites have been the relaxed ones. And don't get me started on changing surnames! I wish you all the best with the planning and look forward to hearing all about it!Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01938795597710748712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-17730197553928908792015-01-25T14:03:01.009+00:002015-01-25T14:03:01.009+00:00Yay! I've been looking forward to this post fo...Yay! I've been looking forward to this post for what seems like AGES.<br /><br />I know a lot of people who did the legal marriage (for assorted reasons - children; ill health; simplicity) but stripped out the bits which felt outdated - several had no "giving away"; most had speeches from the women; some kept separate names - so I've been really curious to hear what your own take on it would be. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your plans as the day nears (whenever that ends up being!).<br /><br />I find the two extremes of the bride's role in weddings interesting - on the one hand, as you say, a lot of the traditions are about her lack of control over her own life; on the other hand, so many people still talk of a wedding as "the bride's big day" and assume that the groom will have minimal interest in the planning. I could waffle on about that at length but I'm sure you know where I'm headed with it. :)Sarah Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06123634132136877282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4931597080577373530.post-7676577357880579122015-01-25T14:01:25.681+00:002015-01-25T14:01:25.681+00:00Bravo! As you know I'm getting married soon. W...Bravo! As you know I'm getting married soon. We're not having a traditional wedding. We are doing the legal bit but nothing religious, my Dad will walk me into the room to meet my husband to be but he won't be giving me away, I'm still his and nothing will ever change that.<br />No speeches, no cake cutting, no first dance, no reception line and awkward posed photographs. Just an exchange of vows, a few readings followed by a meal with our closest family and then a big party. <br />I will change my surname for two reasons - 1, my surname is ridiculous and 2, should we have kids I'd like us all to have the same surname, this will make us a family - a way of knowing who goes with who, I like that.<br />I have got a fabulous dress because, heck, I love fabulous dresses and this particular one is kick-ass!! And we are having a cake - it's a party after all and my friend makes the most delicious cakes.<br />We're not doing anything because we feel we have to, but because we want to. We want to share a great day with our favourite people but more importantly we want to be married. We want to make a statement of our commitment to each other, just without all the fuss. No one is allowed to say to us 'you have to do it, it's tradition', if they do, they might just find themselves uninvited!<br />I hope you have fun planning your day.HazelxJoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05438389465030714608noreply@blogger.com